"Never Say Die" . . . Living with Lung Cancer

A chronicle of my journey with lung cancer. I'll share what I feel and learn along the way ~ hoping it will help my fellow travelers make their way down this rocky road that no one wants to take.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

On a Rainy June Day . . .

Let me tell you, it's been overcast, stormy and rainy for days . . . even the ducks have had enough! Our hummingbirds aren't coming to their feeder as often and I miss the little creatures. Every morning when I get up, I enjoy watching the red-headed woodpeckers (which seem to be the earliest risers in the bird kingdom) but even they seem to be sleeping in on these gloomy mornings.

I've never minded days like this ~ I've always thought they're quite cozy. They seem perfect for lounging in your favorite chair with a good book, for writing that long-overdue letter to your best friend, listening to music and letting your thoughts drift where they may, baking a batch of double-fudge brownies, or just letting the "drowsies" overcome you and enjoying a sweet mid-afternoon nap.

However, after "enjoying" several of these days in succession, I'm ready for blue skies and sunshine! I know I shouldn't complain when many areas of the country have been subjected to horrifying tornadoes, flooding; people have been injured and killed, and thousands have lost their homes and all their possessions. The death and destruction caused by the cyclone and earthquake on the other side of the world are too horrid to contemplate. How do a few gloomy days compare to that? I guess this, like so many other things, just goes to prove that there's always someone else who's in a worse situation than we are. It helps to appreciate our lives if we keep that in mind.

The only one who doesn't seem to mind these wet days is Daisy, the newest member of our family. Rain or shine, she's out there stalking chipmunks, squirrels and any other creature that happens by. She is so determined! She'll sit motionless for hours staring up at a squirrel in a tree. Sometimes you wonder if she's trying to devise a way to fly up there. Nothing would surprise me about this silly canine. She eventually comes running into the house muddy and dripping wet and, of course, the first thing she wants to do is jump in my lap! Casey, wise senior that he is, prefers to stay inside, beg for attention or food or take a snugly nap in his climate-controlled environment.

But, to tell you the truth, the weather isn't the only thing that's been mopey around here. The oral chemotherapy I mentioned to you last time is really taking its toll on me. I can't stand the sight of most food (even my long-time favorites) and the taste is not even to be discussed! Top that off with frequent nausea, vomiting and diarrhea, and you have a time when it's difficult to think positively. But . . . you have to remind yourself that better times are coming and concentrate on those thoughts . . . otherwise this battle wouldn't be worth it. The worst thing you can do is allow yourself to focus for any length of time on the negative aspects of treatment. Of course, there are times when you fall into the self-pity trap but you can't afford to stay there long. And, even on the worst day, there are hundreds of positive things to concentrate on if only you let yourself. The battle is as much keeping your spirits up as it is fighting cancer.

So, the way I see it, just as the rain won't last forever, neither will the bad effects of this dastardly drug I'm taking. : )

However, I am beginning to understand how someone with anorexia nervosa must feel when people try to make him or her eat. You know you need to but it's the last thing in the world you want to do. You feel like running away screaming. But, alas, you aren't strong enough to run fast or far! LOL

Now that I'm having much less trouble with my vision, I've gone back to reading quite a bit. It's nice to be able to enjoy a good book again. I just finished one about a Vermont farm and all its resident animals. You know what an animal lover I am and I really had a great time reading about the dogs, donkeys, sheep, cows, an old barn cat and, yes, even a rooster named Winston and his harem! Every animal has its own personality and it was fun to read about their escapades.

I've also been having fun with my new laptop - it makes it so much easier communicating with you guys, along with the other things I used to do on my PC. Sitting at my desk got so uncomfortable that I seldom used the computer but now that I can type from my comfy chair, it's much more enjoyable. I don't feel so out it now that I can keep up with what's going on in the Internet world.

Well guys, gotta go for now since it's time to (GASP) eat! It's only under duress that I agree to this, you understand. ; )

Have a wonderful day and I'll talk with you again soon . . .

'til next time . . . look for the sunshine in your life.

Linda

2 Comments:

  • At 7/22/2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Linda, just wanted to say how much I enjoy reading your updates, and glad to know you're doing much better. Thinking of you!

    Nancy Ball

     
  • At 9/12/2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hello from Portugal, We've been missing your wise words and generous thoughts. How are you doing?
    All the best, and we hope to be reading your words again soon.

     

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