Just one of those days . . .

I have to admit that I allowed myself to wallow in self-pity for a time yesterday. As I was reading all the literature I received from the chemo staff, I was overcome with all the things that will now have to be part of my daily routine. There are so many side-effects of chemo to protect against or be aware of that I began to get a little depressed . . . infections, mouth sores, hand-foot syndrome, effects on nerves and muscles, intestinal problems, central nervous system effects, skin and nail problems, hot flashes ~ ad infinitum, ad nauseam.

Now, when looked at rationally, many patients never experience these and there is nothing to say I will. Even if I do, aren't they worth the chance to rid myself of cancer? Of course they are! No one ever said this journey would be easy and it makes no sense to defeat yourself at the very beginning by worrying about all of these "maybes". If they come, they come, and my doctors and I will deal with them. But for a few hours, this evening I allowed myself to be controlled by the fear and apprehension they bring.

Fortunately, I have a great support team, as you know. Dave, Jenn and my friend, Elaine helped me to start looking on the bright side again. Then two things made me feel even better!

First, I received a beautiful plant from my friends, Yvonne and Pam. It made me feel so good to know they were thinking of me.

Then last night, my son, John, called from California to say that he's coming home on December 1st for a visit!! That news made my spirits soar! I haven't seen him in a year and can hardly wait for the day of his arrival! Unfortunately, my daughter-in-law and granddaughter won't accompany him on this visit but will be coming sometime after the beginning of the year. But that just gives me even more to look forward to!

I guess it isn't unnatural to have moments when things get to you as long as you pick yourself back up and make sure it doesn't become a habit. A day that was filled with ups and downs still ended on a really high note and that continues today.

I was reminded of something my friend sent me awhile back:

God's Cake

Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation! A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.

Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake"

"Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers. "Yuck" says her daughter.

"How about a couple raw eggs?" "Gross, Mom!"

"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?" "Mom, those are all yucky!"

To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way , they make a wonderfully delicious cake!

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning.

Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.

- Author Unknown

So right now, while I may not like all the ingredients I have to work with, the finished product ~ a healthy, whole body ~ is more than worth a few "yucks" along the way! : ) The important thing is to continue with a good attitude, allowing myself to feel those chemo drugs destroying the cancer cells in my body. It that requires a little discomfort along the way, it's a small price to pay. I didn't enter this battle to give up and I don't intend to do that now. If there are a few bumps on the way to becoming healthy again, so be it. I'll handle them just like the millions who came before me and the millions who will follow. Just because you're a cancer patient doesn't mean you have to be a wimp! LOL I'll get through it all with help from my family, my friends and God.

Until next time . . . Remember that every cloud has a silver lining if you're just willing to look for it.