Warm Thoughts on a Wintry Morning . . .

I'm up bright and early this morning so I thought I'd spend this time with you guys. The weather has turned ugly; it's quite frigid outside and we're expecting ice and snow. We cozied up in front of the fire last night so that was warm and nice. There are definite advantages to wintry weather! Snow is always nice to look at from the inside but I had hoped to get back to trekking with the dogs and it looks as though that won't be happening for awhile since I'm a klutz on ice! I especially don't want to break anything now!

I received my fourth treatment on Thursday and it went well. Even the bone pain is at a minimal. Of course, as soon as I say that, it will probably rear it's ugly head and let me know the power it can wield! That's okay, I can take it! It's a minor inconvenience as long as I know the chemo is doing it's job.

The worst thing about being sick is not being able to do the things I would normally be able to do. Sometimes that gets a little disheartening but then I have to stop and think about some of the other chemo patients who are confined to wheel chairs, oxygen tanks and the like. I have no right to complain in light of all they go through just to make it through the day. I am blessed and I hope never to forget that.

You might think that it's pretty dismal in the chemo room but it isn't. There's a lot of chatter and laughter among the patients and the nursing staff. Conversation doesn't all center on illness either but, instead, on a myriad of other topics. Our two nurses, Mary Ann and Chris, are very personable and warm and do everything they can to make chemo a pleasant experience for us.

The room itself is like a sunroom ~ it's very bright and homey. We each have a recliner chair with a TV and pillows and afghans to make us comfortable. Our visitors have chairs right beside us. We can talk, watch TV, read, sleep, eat, work on crafts . . . anything we feel like doing. People are always bringing in goodies for us to munch on . . . brownies, cookies, cake, candy, muffins, fruit bars, trail mix, you name it . . . maybe that has something to do with my weight gain. ; ) Plus there are cupboards filled with instant soups, crackers, chips, etc. We also have coffee, hot chocolate, soda, fruit juices and supplementary drinks.

There is a patio right off the room that we can use when the weather is warm. It's very nice and anyone who wants to haul their IV pump out there and get some fresh air and sun is welcome to do so.

You can see it isn't a bad place to go at all. Before I went I thought it would be all sterile and medical looking but it isn't. That was a very pleasant surprise. It's a welcoming place to spend five hours. Maybe not exactly like home, but they make every attempt to create the same kind of happy and relaxing atmosphere.

The sun is up now (well, it's light out) and so is Dave so I guess it's time to start the day. I hope all of you have a wonderful day and that your week starts out great tomorrow. Know that I'm always thinking about you guys and am forever grateful for the support you give me.

Until next time . . . share your laughter.

Just a Bunch of Rambling Thoughts . . .

The sun is shining today and we have snow on the ground for the first time in quite awhile ~ too bad it didn't come in time for Christmas. But my day would be bright anyway because of the test results we got yesterday. I admit that I was very nervous about that. I would have been awfully disappointed and disheartened had there been no improvement in my CT scan. Now I know the chemo is working and that makes all the difference. I'd hate to think that I lost my hair and have put up with the other side effects for nothing. ; ) But, more importantly, I know now that I am making some headway in my battle. If there had been no change or if the tumors had grown that wouldn't bode well for my future.

I haven't told you guys about the other battle I'm waging and losing . . . my weight! Who would ever think that a patient with lung cancer and on chemotherapy would be getting heavier! When I picture someone in that position, I imagine a skinny person. But lo and behold . . . I'm not! My doctors are pleased that I'm gaining weight but I'm certainly not! I sure wouldn't want to look emaciated but neither do I want to turn into a blimp! My oncologist said the weight gain is due to the steroids I'm taking ~ not only do they increase your appetite but they cause you to retain fluid. So, I guess I just have to put up with it until the chemo is over. : ( They tell me, in this case, weighing more is a good thing. (This comes from a doctor who has a perfect, slim body!)

I have to admit that chocolate may be playing a small role in this . . . since they told me that I can have sugar, I've celebrated by eating Mounds bars, Almond Joy bars, Snickers bars, Belgian chocolate and chocolate shakes. To one who hasn't eaten these in at least 25 years, they taste especially wonderful! However, I've told Dave not to buy me any more of them . . . I have to find another, less caloric way of pampering myself. But hey! Dark chocolate, coconut, almonds, and peanuts are supposed to be good for you! : ) (Isn't that called rationalization?)

I just bought some hats and scarves so that I can be stylishly bald. They are so much more comfortable than wigs. They are all cotton and don't make my scalp itch or create red bumps all over my head. That's quite a relief! The wig gets really hot and makes me uncomfortable so this is a pleasant change. Besides, I feel so fake in the wig - it may look natural but it sure doesn't feel that way. I'm always afraid it's going to move or something and make me look stupid. No one wants to wear a cockeyed wig! LOL

I've been reading a lot, especially during my tired times. It's so nice not to have to feel guilty about indulging in one of my favorite activities. The only schedule I have to worry about is that for my treatments and blood tests. I don't have to worry about marketing and project deadlines and I have to admit I'm enjoying that freedom. At this point, I don't know if I will ever get back to my copywriting business. This experience has changed me and my priorities a great deal. Somehow Internet marketing just doesn't hold the appeal it once did. I haven't made any definite decisions but I'm leaning toward just enjoying my life instead of working so hard. I'll let you know more about this when I'm sure what I want to do.

Well guys, that's about it for today. My book is beckoning me and I don't think a nap is too far off either. ; )

Until next time . . . It's your life, live it the way you want to.

It's Short But it's Sweet . . .

Hi Guys! I have wonderful news for you today!

My oncologist informed me today that the tumors in my lung have shrunk considerably! And what's even better . . . there is now no lymph node involvement. I'm sure you can imagine how relieved I am. It's so wonderful to find out that the chemo is working and that I haven't been going through all this for nothing.

We're going to continue on with the same drugs for another three treatments and then re-evaluate at that time. Hopefully, there will be even more improvement then!

I have lots of phone calls to make so I'm sure you'll understand if this is a little short today. I promise to be back with you within the next few days.

I want to thank all of you for being there, for all your positive thoughts and prayers, and for caring. All of those things have made a tremendous difference and I appreciate you guys more than you will ever know. If I didn't have so many "earth angels", I'm sure things would be much different. Thank you so much!

Until next time . . . Always keep hope alive in your heart.

On the First Day of 2007 . . .

Happy New Year to you all!

The start of the New Year always brings with it new goals, new hopes and an optimism that we won't make the same mistakes we made during the previous year. We have a fresh, clean slate on which to write wonderful new accomplishments and adventures. Most of us make lofty resolutions that we're going to lose weight, exercise more, stop smoking, work harder, or improve in some area of our lives. Unfortunately, we usually bite off more than we can chew and, by February, most of our good intentions have fallen by the wayside.

This is the perfect time to take a long hard look at our priorities and decide what is most important to us. Are we satisfied with the lives we've created? What kind of life do we really want? What kind of changes to we have to make to find greater satisfaction and fulfillment?

Do you think my priorities have changed since January 1, 2006? You bet they have! The challenges I faced a year ago are nothing compared to those I'm confronting now. Reading over the goals I set for myself last year at this time, I find them trivial, even shallow. I now see that most of them had nothing to do with making my life better or happier. Most of them were about increasing numbers . . . not about finding true satisfaction in the way I lived my life. The only exception to that was a self-improvement course I took and stuck with until I got sick.

The only numbers that are important to me today are the hours I spend with people I love, the quantity of laughter that fills my day, and my latest blood counts. Most of the things I considered to be important last year are totally insignificant today. At the top of my priority list this year are relationships . . . God, my family, my friends, my medical team. I no longer worry about how much I weigh or how many clients I have. Instead of pushing myself to meet a publication schedule, my frame of reference revolves around my next chemo treatment. Instead of putting in 16 hour days, I rest when my body tells me to ~ which can be quite often. ; )

And you want to know something amazing? I find myself much happier than I was a year ago. Yes, I'm battling a horrific disease and we don't know what the outcome of that will be. Sometimes I'm afraid. I have toxic chemicals running loose in my body that frequently cause pain and mental confusion. But, no life is without its potholes. The important thing is that I'm nestled in a cocoon of love and caring. That brings contentment and joy I can't even begin to express. My life is filled with much, much more peace than fear, a lot more sunshine than rain, and a serenity that is many times stronger than the occasional bout of anxiety.

Some of you comment that I'm very strong, but, I'm only as strong as my support group. I've been blessed with people who care about me and who cheer me on in fighting this disease. That's the greatest gift of all. The love and concern I receive every day is enough to humble even the most arrogant of people. My heart overflows with gratitude.

So, yes, I have cancer but . . . its given me the opportunity to slow down and really appreciate those who are in my life, bask in their love and find joy in every single day. Of course, I would have rather learned this lesson another way but, we have to play the hand we're dealt.

I want to thank all of you who make my days so special with your emails, cards, gifts, phone calls, comments in this blog and all the other 101 things you do to show you care. I couldn't fight this fight without you. I hope that each of you is given back even a fraction of the kindness you show to me ~ that alone would be enough to change your life.

In 2007, I hope you experience joy and satisfaction, good health and peace.

Until next time . . . Create the life you want.